What if?

Dedicated to

Our Dreams

“What if?” he repeated.

She stared at him, a face she had known for as long as she could remember, and saw his brow contract in apprehension, eyes narrow slightly as he anticipated her reaction. Rendered speechless by his question, she felt an immense sense of déjà vu overtake her being. He sensed her unease and put his hands on her shoulder reassuringly.

“I know that was over twenty years back. This is not what you are looking for, right now” he smiled. “It was silly of me to ask,” he murmured and turned around.

Standing rooted to the spot, she watched as he walked out of her room and lightly slung his office bag over his shoulders, turned around and waved. Involuntarily, she felt her hand return his wave, but quickly brought it down as she detected the frown on his forehead. When he shut the door behind him, she felt a rush of memories come back to her.

***

“What if?” he asked with a slight grin.

She was sketching a lightning shaped scar on his palm as they sat across each other in the school library. They were the last seventh graders left in the library as most of their class had left for sports.

He nudged her slightly to get her attention. “Hey!” she protested as her pen skidded slightly on the surface of his hand. “Answer me!” he instructed drawing his hand away from her grip. She glared at him for second, then crossed her hand and challenged him, “Why do you want to go to New Zealand?”

“Not again,” he groaned, “I told you already, it is the adventure capital of the world. We could do Bungee Jumping, snorkeling,-”

“I want to go to London first, visit Hogwarts…” she began but he interjected her swiftly- “Did you know about the glowworm caves in New Zealand?”

 As he saw her eyes widen, he knew her attention was entirely his and wished he had researched more on those caves. Nevertheless, he spent the next hour telling her elaborate lies and made up facts about the (magical?) glowworm caves and she finally conceded, “Fine! We’ll save enough money to go to New Zealand.”

“Great!” he exclaimed standing up, “I’ll go Bungee Jumping and you can read your books in the glow of the worms” he laughed and swinging his bag over his shoulder exited the library.

Over the years, she’d always look back fondly at that scene and squash the thought that of all the adventurous kids in the class, he had asked her.

***

“What if?” she prodded.

They were sitting atop the small grass mound in their favorite park. It was close to dusk and the mosquitoes had started buzzing in their ears. He neatly slid down and lay against the grass staring at the purple sky. “Oye,” she said irritably and smacked him lightly on his head.

“What the-” he said and sat up straight facing her.

“Answer me!” she implored.

“What if we go on a world tour?” he asked incredulously, “Where do you get such ideas?” he smirked.

“From you!” she said with a slight smile.

“Me?” he asked looking surprised.

“Yes! Remember we discussed this five years back? We’d see the world? I know we haven’t saved enough but it is a start, so-”

“Wait!” he interrupted her babble.” Your big idea is to go on a world tour with me?”

“We could start with New Zealan…”

“Just… you and me?” he raised his eyebrows.

“Yeah…”

“Dude, what will she say?”

“Who is she?”

“My girlfriend!” he stressed.

“She can come too…” she said her voice taking a note of uncertainty.

“You are impossible!” he laughed, “If she could come, would I take you on that trip then?” he winked at her and then stared into the distance a longing look etched on his face oblivious the disgusted one on hers.

Without much ado, she got up, dusted herself, and began walking away.

“Oye!” he screamed after her, “Wait for me…”

Turning around she fiercely retorted, “I don’t see any point in doing that anymore! Goodnight!”

As he watched her storm away, he felt an unexpected lump rise in his throat. Getting up swiftly, he made to run after her when his phone rang, a grin spread across his face as he said into the mouthpiece, “Hi sweetheart…”

***

“What if?” he asked urgently.

She threw the last of her books in the bag and turned to face him. “What now?” she demanded as he handed her a folded set of clothes which she unceremoniously dumped into a suitcase. Feeling slightly repulsed, he continued, “What if you go a week later? I have holiday from work now and the vouchers for Australia can be redeemed at a week’s notice!”

“First thing, I cannot miss the first week of graduation school-“she began, throwing her hands in the air dramatically

“It is a bridge course! The actual term starts in two weeks!” he argued patiently as he brought her hands down.

“And second,” she said with gritted teeth, “I cannot avail to a couple’s vacation voucher to Australia. What will my parents say?”

“Aah… where did you hide this righteous and honest woman three years back?” he said sardonically.

“Oh! You are impossible... pass me my shoes…” she said with a look of utmost contempt.

“No, I am serious, where is my best friend who would egg me day and night for this godforsaken trip?”

“Well you had your chance and you lost it!” she said lightheartedly not knowing the impact those words had on him.

***

“What if?” she asked tentatively.

“What if I postponed my wedding?” he challenged sarcastically.

“No, but what if you make a quick trip here before the wedding?”

“You mean travel across the world to spend time with you a mere twenty days before my wedding?”

“I cannot get enough leaves to come for the wedding because I am…”her voice faded into the darkness which stared back at him.

“Yes,” he breathed deeply into the phone, “you are living my dream.”

“Hey,” she whispered, “are you okay?”

He paused, glancing at his watch which showed him that it was probably lunch time where she was. Stifling a yawn, he said, “Yes, I am fine… just sleepy.”

“I repeat, are you okay?”

“No,” he surrendered.

***

“What if?” began his email, “you meet me at our old spot tomorrow evening?”

Her heart halted as she read and reread the words. It had been five years since she last saw him. Without missing a heartbeat she replied, “What if you came home for dinner? You will survive my cooking.”

***

The door opened as fast as it had shut, jerking her back into the present from the realms of past conversations with her best friend. She was still standing where he had left her.

Walking back with an apologetic smile, he said, “I forgot my car keys,” and made his way towards her bedside table.

“Yes!” she whispered half to herself.

“What?” he asked halting midway.

Turning to him with a bright smile on her face, she said, “You asked me, what if we took that world tour now? I am saying, YES!”

“Are you sure?” he asked with a glint in his eye, “But what about…”

“Sssh,” she held her hands up, “No ifs and buts!”

“We are almost forty…”

“Thirty four,” she asserted firmly.

Smiling in spite of himself he continued protesting feebly, “And what about your…”

“’I’ll take care of it,” she smiled.

“But then there is also…”

“We’ll figure it out once I have booked us for New Zealand,” she said with an air of finality and began browsing on her laptop as he gazed at her with a bemused expression.

 “Now, these glowworm caves, are they in Auckland or…?” she looked at him questioningly.

“Errr”

“I knew you fibbed about them back then!” she said smugly.

As he stood looking at her, he could have sworn he saw a twelve year old girl smile back at him through those playful eyes.

***